4 months

I don't want to have to live like this. I want to be fat for a reason and for my vows to count. But I will do it, I must. The tears are a bit less salty, and the sobs less loud. I still see the ghosts, but I'm starting to see my real self in the shadows. Otterbutt's novel saved the weekend. Thirty-one's brunch did much the same in the city of salt. Many thanks to them both. My students spent 40 minutes looking at soil under the stereoscope saying, Ms. Dub come see this bug. I ran to look. Ran home to not hear clunking army boots up the back stairs.

No epiphany here

I am staring at an entire weekend. I have a pile of grading, my house is a pile, besides reading back issues of New Yorker and missed episodes of Mad Men, I have no plans. None. Well, there is a bottle of KJ in the fridge = A Date! The last episode of Mad Men, of course, ends with someone sitting on the stairs listening to Don't Think Twice. I once thought that song was the meanest break up song in the world. Now I just cry when I hear the first chord, wishing I could play the guitar. I also find myself crying on the stairs very often. Stairs to the basement, Stairs to the bedroom, the crazy crooked creaking Stair in TNT's back staircase, Marble Stairs into TNTs where I sat this morning with my boys drinking coffee, picking up my car in the same clothes as the night before. The example of Entropy Stair on my front porch. Things fall apart.

The Louise Gluck poem "Marriage" in this week's New Yorker is about me, I swear. http://www.newyorker.com/fiction/poetry/2007/10/22/071022po_poem_gluck
It made me plan a trip to the ocean "Down the shore" as they say here in MD. Instead of driving to the ocean, I'm sitting in my pile avoiding the stairs. Epiphany in Baltimore makes me seem ridiculously lazy.

Ironic Irony

In tribute to econtrario haiku autumn... with editing by otterbutt

Her ex man came back
with dad, bro, camera, cop.
Herman the crab too.

Bipolar Bears

Police man, video camera, dad, brother, friend, and him. 7 am. they came to get his stuff. I got to look into his eyes. At least. I feel dissected.

oh yeah

I forgot to mention my students. Teaching... it's what I do.