Friends of "Toxic Ross"

Sundays have been the worst. But I must make a shout out to all of those people who have quite literally "been there". For always letting me cry, and for listening, reassuring, distracting, laughing, and really being there for me, I must say thank you.

Big Daddy and Marilyn Monroe for Irish Bars, City Walks, Opera.
The Coaches for new nicknames, book fairs, and fair sunrises.
Cotton for being mad for me, and grading with tea, and listening to me AGAIN...
Red for staying over the night he left, and rationale advice on the phone.
The Prince and the Princess for scrabble , pizza, phone calls
Drinking bud-ski for falling over, falling down, and falling up (almost).
N. Lion for holding my hand for an entire pint of Guinness and for winning at Trivia.
Econtrario for playlists and Casablanca texts.
Thirty-one flavors for making the iPhone ring, Charlie Brown comics, the marriage horserace.
Otterbutt for advice, proofreading, and writing a novel for me to read. And her house.
Maestra for making me know I'm strong enough. Her sister for the same.
Mom one and Mom two in Md, for brownies, turkey sandwiches, and hugs.
Dr. Tweed Jacket for being sound and interested.
Dr. dr for my xanax.
L.B. and T.F. for being in the rooms next door. And for making me stop reading "The Bell Jar"
The three new hermit crabs in room 218 (I hope we find #4 Herman before he smells)
Comcast for my favorite hobby, watching movies and The Ravens... except they have turned the ball over twice today already.

molecule

See that small part of the river at the bottom of the picture.
Right before it falls, over the falls
unknowing.
But expecting, wanting, following.
now crashed on the rocks below.

Three weeks

Um, will someone please tell her he's gone.

Movies I was too dumb to avoid in the last three weeks.

The Prisoner of Second Avenue (highly recommend this one Chuck)
Ordinary People (highly recommend this one Truce)

The Awful Truth (Cary Grant...What's that divorce?)

Legends of the Fall (I will wait for you as long as it takes, and then marry your brother)
Casablanca (are my eyes really brown?)
Fargo
Number 23
Sleepless in Seattle
You've got mail
Singles (I couldn't make it past the miscarriage part)
Clueless (in GR)
Superman Returns (ummm... the title alone!)
X-men United
The object of my affection (Jennifer Aniston falls for a gay guy...who doesn't kill himself or leave her)
Picture Perfect (Jennifer Aniston pays a guy to fake their relationship to get a promotion)

Mr and Mrs Smith (liars)

Brokeback Mountain (why can't i find a way to quit you)

I probably shouldn't admit many more, because I was supposed to be at work!

Destination therapy is my route this week. Plus, I get to use the word axiom a lot.
I wonder if destination break-ups are as popular as destination weddings.

Thanks Otterbutt

Otterbutt and fam...
Thanks so much for the wonderful hospitality. And the wonderful food. I can't think of another place in the world where I would have felt as comforted and supported. The late night chats and the fancy cab were really special. In case anyone ever has a need for a recently or soon to be divorced weekend menu.... I highly recommend.

Pasta vongole w/ spring salad and fresh toms.
Cheddar, apple, and apricot dessert.
Fruit crepes with Alton Brown Bacon.
Broccoli cheddar soup with rustic bread.
Mustard crusted pork chops with grilled peaches.
Brunch by Reeds Lake.

Travel

At the Detroit airport I almost bought a ticket to the city by the river. Just to see him. To sit on the porch until they come home. To face them all, to let him know I'm still interested. But then, I just put one foot in front of the other, got the rental car. Where he is, safe, away, protected. I realize on the 2 hour drive from Detroit, that I have been cut out of his life, like a tumor. I reviewed my behavior. Even though I know it can't really be all my fault, but my behavior could have been better. The ipod keeps playing. I'm torn. Like a line is drawn down the center of my body. Left side, protect yourself. Right side, forgive him.

There was once a time when I was spontaneous enough to have gotten on the plane to the quad cities. There was also once a time when I would just fuck his best friend and be done with it.

It has been two weeks. Feels like one long day.

Split.

48 hours. Plus 36 hours. Plus...
If I were you. Looking at me. I would say.
You've been dumped.

If I were me. Looking at him. I would say.
I've been duped.

Counting 36 hours

Since last email.
Check mail every 20 minutes.
Patsy Cline's "Crazy".
Grocery store with drinkin buddy.
Movie. About a guy who goes crazy and kills his wife. Number 23
Consoling guests, stopped by to cheer me up even though they put their dog down at noon.
Made guests appetizer.
Played scrabble. Words like mad mind liar sex I avoided.
Made ravioli, pesto, and salad. Did the dishes.
Patsy Cline's "Crazy" again. This time in Coal Miners Daughter. at 4 am.
Dream of skiing, forgiveness, a kiss.
Woke up crying.
IM session with the sisters.
Phone call from mom

Space

Bull. shit.
Alone again. Again. Bull. Shit. This post.

Anniversary

each response I've made has been incorrect. My ipod knows what to play, my car knows the way to work, people have been bringing me food. My family calls. My co-workers express concern for my odd expressions. My dog looks sad. The cats like food. The piles pile up. Work Is coming. So much work to do. My body doesn't sleep. My husband doesn't call.

What is the difference between two months and ten years.

After

Green Hornet's nest
Tea Pot
Mad Man.

Come home.

Odd sad similarities

Damn! I knew when I first saw blood. I tried to talk myself out of it, but I knew that 10 years ago this week the same smear appeared. The same tears. I'm embarrassed. I know exactly what is to come, the Oh I'm so sorry's, the sympathetic smiles, the hugs with pats on the back, the pain. The disappointment from grandma's and in-laws and the of courses from friends who think I live poisonedly. I've missed an entire day of seeing my family because we spent 9 hours in the hospital. Waiting for a shot. One shot.

The cool desert air calmed me. The shadow of the mountains feels safe. Somehow the familiarity of disappointment, the emptiness, fits like an old shoe. I thought I lost those shoes. Recycled wedding present perhaps?

Jesus Phone! No kidding! I love my new iPhone. I am one who always buys the new gadget and then gets disappointed when the new version comes out cooler. But I have installed wedding photos of everyone who calls me, except for two frequent callers who did not attend the wedding, but these pics pop up when they call. The touch screen is so cool, way faster than scroll bars. The album art from iTunes is fantastic. Also, the maps and the website access is awesome. Typing became easy after a few tries, I find it easier than my old phone because it is qwerty buy odd to use both hands.

Mega Concert! No Kidding! Despite a few hour break to go to the mall and grocery store, I watched most of it. The saddest part is that when they would show the audience, no one knew any of the words to these old school muscians as my students would say. Didn't even know "Roxanne"! The Police were awesome, but I was more impressed with Roger Waters. I did not like Kanye West's additions to message in a bottle. He could have at least learned the words instead of saying ya hey every few moments. Madonna, good. Duran Duran, good. Melissa Ethridge, a little cheesy but good. Joss Stone, great. John Mayer, good. Dave Matthews, fantastic. The Black Eyed Peas really do put on a great and exciting performance. Bon Jovi said "Please rise for the national anthem" and then played Dead or Alive. He was perfect. I have always had a crush on him, but had to keep it from my emo hippy friends in high school. Red Hot CHili Peppers were great. Everyone in high school had a crush on them, except me. I loved the Genesis set. Ludacris was really fun. UB40 was great as well.

I have always HATED smashing pumpkins and good reason. He was all, "Please buy this album, don't download it free like you did all our other ones" Has Been who should have never Been! There set made Kelly Clarkson look good. Some of the artists, like Kelly, had no idea why the concert was being performed, KT said "Unplug your phone chargers and Eat some soil I guess"

I missed: MEtallica, Jack Johnson, Snoop DOgg, MAcy Gray, any of the China musicians.

The band from Antartica Nanatuck was really great. THey were 5 scientists from England. Antartica in Winter, How Brave. World TV concert, no problem

Honey moom 2-3-4

OK we're in Bar Harbor after a week of traveling New england back roads. It has been great. Towns with shops with names like "A stitch in time Fabrics" "Stop Time Watches" and "Maple Syrup" there are 5 Jeffersonvilles between here and there. We "camped" near Stowe, Vermont in a little cabin with a jacuzzi and a dishwasher. My kind of camping! We went canoing and on the alpine slide. Plus we cooked on the grill two nights in a row! Then we went on through the top of New Hampshire to a ski resort in Maine called Sunday River. Here we watched TV, ate spaghetti, and got deep tissue massages. Then a short 4 hour (4.5 hours due to Green Hornet's ability to start driving west when I fall asleep) jaunt to the end of the world, the tip of Acadia Nat. Park in Maine, the Vacation state. Not the same trip as I imagined without wine or lobster.

Honeymoon 1

FYI 2217 are not my lucky numbers. 23 and 18 are my lucky numbers. The reason I mentioned 22 and 17 to econtrario on a previous blog was not to make him jealous or mad, but to point out his favorite numbers...

OK Honeymoon Stop #1 The Mansion in Rock City Falls, NY. We are at the bottom of the Adirondack mountains and thank god I bought a map becaause it is really helpful to see spacially, however, after all my jokes about the Green Hornet's driving, I did make us turn the wrong way for a twenty minute detour. We left Niagara after a wonderful brunch with my aunts, sisters, and mother, I still say we must stand by our brunch only rule from now on...

The four days of non stop entertaining has left me with an insatiable urge to bring everyone with us on this trip. I am already waiting for someone to come to the room for coffee, or call on the phone to find someone else. I was so glad the weddings went so well and that everyone could relax and be on vacation and be with family and friends for four days. I will never forget a moment.

I must remember to be on my best behavior today. I was a bit crabby to Green Hornet during the drive, but after I took a dramamine I was a little bit better. I sure married a very patient man, with humor, kindness, and generous heart.

Mr. and Mrs. Davis

Everything was wonderful. It was the best wedding ever! We had such a great time. We danced and ate and drank and danced and ate and drank. I wish I had a picture to upload but the kids were so cute as flower girls and ring bearer. Crash even lost a tooth during the evening just for me. Everyone made great speaches. The food was good. No one lost their minds and everyone everyone everyone told us that they enjoyed the evening. For those that couldn't make it, we totally missed them.

We are so in love and so happy.

This is a very cheesy blog

24 hours +

We are having such a great time so far in Niagara Falls. It is beautiful, windy, a fun to have everyone here. Sadly my Big Daddy cannot make the trip because Marilyn Monroe's father died and he has to be with him in virginia. So other than not having my walk down the aisle partner, we worked out the paperwork and everyone is here to enjoy the festivities.

The view from our room is fantastic. The kids are wonderful. the parents and friends, couldn't be more supportive. It should be wonderful.

For econtrario. Our hotel #2217

ha.

5 DAYS

Five damn days left. I am so excited. Stay tuned for blog updates during the honeymoon. FYI I'm wearing my wedding shoes and practicing dancing while making dance CDs for the reception. ABBA and Beegees keep showing up. Hooray!

Forgetful Memories

Umm Forgot dress on the list. I hope this isn't an omen. I also forgot the letter d and a the

Wedding Plans part 4 Memorial Day

26 Days to Go

• Memories are everywhere this weekend! Too bad about Otterbutt's house in the city of salt. More salty I'd say. I used spend this day in the Southern Valley playing volleyball and getting too much sun w/ econtrario. But now I spent it indoors, in town, with the internet.
  
  Of course, everyone I know is out of town, even people that live out of town are out of town, Otterbut and Egg are in Chicago, Thirty-one is camping at Strawberry, TNT are "down the shore", Volleyball coach is in Pennsylvania.
  
  Thank God for the Internet. I have spent the entire day weddinginging. We've secured flowers, officiants, wedding vows, seating charts, and the honeymoon planned. Also I made a website. Don't know how I'm going to finish the new list. I made it through last time when I made the long list before family and school. However, the family and the school may think I could have done better, thus the B's, I had a good time and got it down...
  
• Lawyer to proove I got divorced in Canada to get marriage license.
  (Phone call logs to prove that I don't talk to ex EVERY day ha ha)
• Final Fitting
• DJ
• Confirm dog sitter
• Nails: Feet and Hands
• Hair
• Reception CDs
• Gift Bags
• Pack
• Get Cars ready for trip
• Oh yeah finish the school year AND
• Fold 739 Origami Cranes
• OH YEAH THE DRESS

Honeymoon Plans are WAY more fun and less stressful than wedding plans.

• We're going from Niagara on the Lake to
• Saratoga Springs, NY Mansion Inn
• Ben and Jerry's South Berlington Vermont
• Sterling Ridge Resort Log Cabins Vermont
• Jordan Grand Summit, Adirondacks
• Bar Harbor Grand Hotel Maine
• La Quinta Providence Rhode Island
• Home!

Wedding plans part 3 aka finals

What fun! The announcements are out, response cards are coming back. The dress, the shoes, the tiara. Can't wait!

However....
The List 2 weeks Wed to Wed to Wed

• Finish 4th quarter Interim Grades (and grading)
• Help all senior teachers who can't use the internet to post their interim grades
• Plan review for seniors for their final exams and AP test
• photocopy AP Energy Tests for Friday
• Forensic Book Work on Arson
• Biology Project rubric "Chewin the Chesapeake" food webs
• Get divorce documents to Ontario lawyer
• Apply for Ontario marriage license and FedEx the documents or fax...
• Go to Boot Camp at the Gym 8:30 am Saturday
• Write 4 page lab report on functional feeding groups
• Write 8 page paper for Limnology
• Finish Biochemical Adaptations text readings
• Go on Limnology Field Trip to the Catoctin mountains to wade in stream Sunday
• Hang pictures in house
• Clean house for guests
• Lesson plans for week, APES, Forensics, and Biology
• Attend Limnology class lecture (no lab due to field trip hooray)
• Out for drinks with ladies from limnology monday night due to no lab
• Type answers for Limnology due Wednesday
• Attend the personal trainer appointment
• Grading night with Ms. Cotton Tuesday
• Attend classes Limnology and Biochemical Adapatations
• *Receive final exam take home from biochem (69.5% on midterm) YIKES!~
• Continue counting and receiving response cards
• Receive Otterbutt et al. Thursday - Try to answer question 1 from final
• Monday Lesson Plans required for sub
• Pick up minivan rental
• Receive Thirty-one and Mice Friday - There will be no answering of questions on exam
• Saturday Free Comic Book Day with family
• Do not attend opening of Spider Man 3
• Sunday Bridal Shower
• At least try to finish answering question 1
• Airport for Mice and 31 flavors
• Limnology lab on predation. Get to watch fish eat bugs.
• Tuesday: Grading with Cotton aka answer question 2 with cotton
• Wednesday: attend classes
• Thursday: adios otterbutt et al.
• Friday: Finish questions 3-4
• Saturday" Finish questions 5-6
• Sunday: Proof read and perfect paper, lab, and test